When I start feeling those weird vibes around some people when they find out that I am a single mom, I feel desperate to defend myself.
I want to tell them that most divorce is a horrible, tragic, selfish endeavor... but not always. Most divorces are filled with anger, regrets and battles of fury... but not always. Most children suffer painfully and permanently in divorces... but sometimes they come out stronger and more compassionate. Most divorces shouldn't happen... but sometimes it is wrong if it doesn't happen.
I want to tell people that my situation is different from their past experience... even though we had biblical grounds for divorce, we hung on probably longer than necessary... my ex husband and I are still friends and we get along wonderfully... but in my defense I sound just like all other divorced people. So I keep quiet, allow people to think what they will, and inside I am so very thankful for the extra strength given to our family for this time.
I absolutely adore this time of the year! As I type this journal post, I'm watching the snow fall and blow around in the wind. The neighbors have their pretty white Christmas lights up. To my left, I can see our decorated tree with ribbons, bows and antique colored ornaments. I also have 50's Christmas music playing and the candles lit in the living room. So romantic.
There has been an array of kindness around me lately.
Two families sweetly invited me to their homes for Thanksgiving dinner this week.
A gentleman at the christmas tree farm gave me a beautiful, almost 5 foot tree for $10 after I told him I could only afford something teeny tiny.
A friend put gas in my car today and I was able to drive to Seattle for church and for groceries.
My car got stuck on a small metal post sticking out of a cement block in the store parking lot today. I had no idea how to get my car out of the parking space but an older man (and his wife who was giving directions) helped me out. In the cold weather, the man got down on the ground, used his muscles and told me how to maneuver and back out without any damage done to my car.
At a coffee house tonight, I asked if they had anything for under $1.50 since that is all the change I could scrape up. The girls working there emptied out their tip jar and actually bought me a large Americana, and wouldn't take any money from me at all.
It's sometimes difficult for me to accept things without being able
to give anything besides a smile and a "thank you!" in return, but these people
who touched my life this week seemed to enjoy doing something for someone else.
I trust that they were as happy to give as I was to receive their
kindness.
Unschooling: What In The World…?
The unschooling approach to educating children at home is near impossible to explain in descriptive detail to someone who has yet to experience such daring freedom at this point in American history; but following are some good arguments that ought to be heard even if just for the sake of rejecting it.
While unschooling is not the only successful educational method, the natural learning idea (as well as homeschooling, and institutional learning) has been around as long as humans have existed, but the public school system implemented in the 19th century in America made these alternatives an illegal practice.
Once again, however, unschooling is becoming an acceptable way of education in America after a wave of homeschooling pioneers courageously blazed a trail away from the public school system and its mandatory attendance laws.
When the first generation of homeschooling students began to enter colleges, its success was clear in these students’ grades, commitments and life goals. More and more families then began to remove their children from schools. The public then witnessed development and reform within the homeschooling sphere which now includes an abandonment of the current learning structure altogether.
"Unschooling" was largely reintroduced by John Holt who wrote many books on the subject and in 1977 published the nation's first homeschooling magazine called Growing Without Schooling. Because unschooling was such an extreme change from American’s understanding of education however, it has taken time for its popularity to spread. Still, there are many more unschoolers in existence than what meets the eye, especially since they don’t always involve themselves in typical homeschooling support groups and other organizations which can be functionally similar to the public school tradition.
At first glance of the unschooling term, many people envision a fat, lazy kid laying around in his underwear playing Game Cube for the rest of his life.* On the contrary, we have proof of unschooling’s success from a documented first generation of unschoolers who have entered college or the working world.
There is a free (as in alternative) school in Framingham, Massachusetts called Sudbury Valley School in which students between the ages of 4 and 19 can do WHATEVER THEY WANT from the minute they arrive on campus until they leave for the day. There are no required classes, no curriculum, no campus security, no fluctuation of empty and crowded halls, no getting sent to the dean principal and no tests or grades. What do these kids do all day?
One visit shows that this beautiful campus has "class rooms" such as a music studio, wood shop, art room, library, darkroom, chemistry lab, kitchen and dining room and even empty rooms. There are acres of land, all for the students to use or not use at their own discretion. The resources for their self-study includes books, technology, instruments, games (including video games), apprenticeships, tools, outdoor ponds and real life people such as other students and a few down-to-earth, helpful adults. Who would not want to attend such a school?
The inevitable questions begin to form a line: What about reading, writing and arithmetic? What about report cards? What about school fights? What about college? These are valid questions but it is also how modern day Americans have been trained to define education.
The origin of the public school is an interesting story alone, rooting itself with a religious group of Calvinist Protestants who believed that children needed stricter discipline for moral character…. During the industrial revolution the purpose for continuing a compulsory school system was to train citizens to work in labor factories. Public schools implemented the bell system, similar to the factory whistle, and grading systems ensured that school work was up to standard, much like business owners look over the shoulders of their employees, for the profit of the business.
At this time, public schools began to cater to consumerism. With the invention of household appliances mothers started working outside of the home, which meant they needed someone to take care of their children. Parents wanted their children to get an education in order to obtain a decent or higher paying job when they became adults. School became appealing to many families seeking the American dream, or an increased amount of possessions.
But problems arose for the public school system. While some schools fare better than others, in general, average test scores continue to consistently drop every year while homework and testing continues to increase. Many teachers and school staff are baffled and under extreme pressure to help their students achieve academic success, and most students have no idea what occupational direction they should pursue upon graduation from high school.
For Sudbury Valley, the free school mentioned earlier, there is a 100 percent success rate in the truest sense of the word "success" which is substantiated by two published studies of the alumni. These adults know just what their talents and interests are, and are already using them to their fullest extent. Most graduating students from this school continue on at the college of their choice in order to be fully trained for their desired occupation as business owners, music instructors, doctors, politicians, mechanics, etc.
At widely differing ages these students at Sudbury Valley had learned all of the school basics with no teacher/classroom instruction. More importantly they understood how to learn and how to creatively and responsibly think so that they could master all of their say, secondary math in a few short tutoring months in order to pass college entrance exams. Besides that, college admissions personnel recognize a determined and well-rounded student when they see one even if they cannot provide high school transcripts.
It is also interesting to note that dyslexia, ADHD, learning "disorders" and other labels were always non-existent for these students because they were not forced to learn a concept before they were personally ready, or they did not have to stop learning a subject of interest because it was time for the next class.
Many homeschooling parents after beginning to educate their children through the only way that they knew how, the way that they were educated, were facing the same difficulty as school teachers in controlling their students. Although there are many advantages to teaching just a few children as opposed to a classroom of twenty-five to thirty of them, an ever-present problem remained: How do teachers motivate their students to learn?
Numerous homeschoolers have found that learning is indeed an enjoyable experience through the freedom of figuring out and using the approach that works best for them. It is only through the freedom to make mistakes and to branch out into other possibilities, in fact, that this is possible.
As long as learning is compulsory and so strictly regulated, it will be viewed by many as that kind of work that must be endured until the weekend, and they will instead learn to dread work of any kind, or something in which they need to conjure up some amount of outside stamina just to get it done.
The argument against unschooling is that it is too dependent upon the home life of the student. If parents and siblings at home are not interested in education, neither will be the children. This is largely true yet it is also true if children attend school. Parents are endowed with the greatest responsibility (and love) for their children. The influence of school teachers is simply a supplement to this fact, which can be a positive or negative influence.
Yet all children have natural desires to learn. We see this truth every day in the infant who learns to walk and communicate – simply by observing others. There is no formal education involved. Our wealthy country contains a world of resources and examples; people born into it will intuitively desire to find their place it, or they will seek a different society. Why not work with these natural desires, inspiring our children with our own love for learning and finding our place in this world?
The real learning that must take place does not concern facts, numbers and
theories so much as it has to do with the joy of acquiring that knowledge. People become skilled in their pleasures. This is why there is an influx of talented
video game players, gamblers and actors in America. Talent of any kind can enrich a society but
perhaps this country would see more interest in other areas such as
environmental causes, solving world hunger and increasing the quality of life
for future generations if students did not view constructiveness with some
amount of contempt.
While programmed learning can destroy a child’s natural passions, unschooling provides an outlet for desires but also room to grow from mistakes because “mistakes” are considered actual learning experiences. All of life becomes their school grounds, opening up a much wider range of occupational choices and responsibilities so that students learn early on how to function within it while striving after personal goals.
While it really is possible for any student to thrive in any educational approach, according to the decision of the parents, the unschooling contribution can make a wonderful world of difference and should continue to be an accepted form of education.
* This is
actually how many kids spend their days when first introduced to unschooling
after attending a public school for a length of time. This is called deschooling and it is a very
important part of unschooling for it allows kids to understand that they are
now responsible for their time. Kids
will eventually get bored with video games and move on to something else that
is provided for them.
The apostle Paul utilized some stark language in Philippians 3:1-11 and it's no wonder that he's talking about religion and religious people, since Jesus himself had the same attitude toward the same group of people when he walked the earth.
And what a relief!
On Sunday our pastor taught that all of our sins are forgiven, paid in full by Jesus Christ on the cross. If we would like to be a sinless person as we stand before God on judgment day, the only thing we need to do is believe in Jesus. We don't need to do anything else.
This would include but is not limited to: going to church, reading a bible, being baptized, taking communion, witnessing, becoming a vegetarian, recycling, being politically active, selling Mary Kay products, washing your car, leaving large tips for undeserving service, or listening to Christian music....
These things can be nice (even the Mary Kay products) but they are not necessary for salvation. I would even go so far as to say that you do not need to end that horrid, wretched, damaging sin that you are currently engaged in and - wow, that was hard to say, but it's true! Pastor Mark taught that Jesus + Anything = Religion. Paul said to the Phillipians that religious people are dogs and that religion is "rubbish" or "sh**" in some translations.
How nice to know that an apostle used a cuss word, and in a passage talking about religion.
So anyway, who exactly are the religious dogs? That's my question. I had to sink down in my seat a few times during the sermon as I was reminded of situations in my past where I was quite the religious person - a prideful, judgmental, stiff, cold religious person. It makes me cringe to think about it, and I feel sorry for my poor non-christian friends...
The good thing about it is my desire to do what is right, and be a moral person, spreading goodness to those around me. The bad thing is the hypocrisy. God changes people over time according to our own unique disposition and he really doesn't want us to be somebody we're not. I really appreciate that about God too.
Everyone enjoys the freedom of being themselves in any situation. That's why home is so nice and comfy. We can talk with food in our mouths, belly laugh, cry, dance, yell, or make no sense at all when we're in the safety of our home.
Realizing that God does NOT judge me (because I believe that Jesus paid for my sins) really helps me to loosen up and relax. He knows me. He sees me, and he understands that I am a sinner. He does NOT support unrepentant pious people who look down on me for my wrongs or who discriminate against me because of their own personal issues.
I'm thankful that I don't live in a time or a location when it's dangerous to be a Christian, where believers are martyred for their faith; but even more so, I'm glad that I don't have to worry about being killed for not being a Christian. Imagine that - as if faith is something that could be forced upon people.
Although I'm so very thankful that my kids' dad is involved in their lives, I still miss my kids when they're with him. I'm used to making a big breakfast, listening to their excited voices playing, tucking them into bed every night. When my day is quiet and alone, it feels like something vital is missing, and I often feel the tears forming in my eyes.
And then I think about people I know who have suffered loss. My first thought goes to little Brian, who we unofficially adopted almost a year ago. When he came to live with us, he wouldn't see his dad again until seven months later. I know that he's happy, but how he must miss his big brothers, his mom and his dad at times!
What about people who have lost loved ones? I know that I'm going to see my kids again the next day, but for people who have experienced the death of someone close, perhaps a spouse of fifty plus years, their entire lives are missing something and there's nothing they can do to bring that special person back.
I'm thankful that I can have some small glimpse into what others might feel... It also makes me more thankful for my kids, as well as for the break I have from them to remember what life is all about.
Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
All are precious in his sight.
Jesus loves the little children of the world.
This is a famous chorus of a Sunday School hymn written by C. Herbert Woolston and I've always wondered who the yellow children are, but that is neither here nor there.
What about the temper tantrum kid who comes to your house to visit and smears peanut butter all over your new coffee table, poops his pants as far away from the bathroom as possible, breaks the latch on your front yard gate while trying to escape and throws wooden blocks at his baby sister's head? Does Jesus love that kid too?
Hmmmmm...
Christians are divided over where children go if they die at a young age. Do they all automatically go to heaven? Are some sent to hell by God, who knows whether or not he would have been saved had he lived longer? Is there an age of accountability so that a child is then held responsible for her wrongs after a certain point in time?
These are some intriguing questions that at times have kept me awake at night. I'm tossed back and forth between that ever-present friction of "who can understand God?" and "but we have been given the Spirit of God." I can't say that I have a definitive answer but Jesus gave us some pretty good - and comforting - clues.
When Jesus walked the earth he welcomed all of the sinners and all of the children to come to him. He never rebuked any children like he did with certain adults (like the religious leaders who were jealous of Jesus' following.) Jesus also blessed the children, and all of the children appeared to be included.
The adorable thing about children is that they generally have no qualms about believing in something that skeptical adults will question to no end. From the moment a baby is conceived, every part of life is a miracle in their eyes. Faith in their surroundings and their caretakers is something they practice continually. While adults might decline to follow the great healer and teacher named Jesus, many a child would excitedly entrust their lives to him if they're given the chance.
On the other hand, every parent knows that every child is basically a mini version of an adult sinner, whether a highly animated one or a sweet one. Parents have the responsibility (and therefore the stricter judgment, James 3:1) to love and train their children to walk in the way of the Lord and if that doesn't happen - well, Jesus' behavior toward children inclines me to believe that he has an extra amount of mercy and goodness for a child's soul.
If babies and children (and animals too) are sent to hell for some reason not understood in my human mind, I can still rest in the fact that God is not only just, but his mercies extend far beyond what I can imagine, and that he has a compassion and tenderness toward little ones that would make the most loving mama look like she hates her children.
It's nice to know that not only should I put up with the kid that destroys my house, but I can also be a part of their kid lives by having fun with them at the park, sharing a sad moment over a bird that died, or listening to them pray their first prayer. There really is nothing else quite like it in life. I might worry that the spoiled kid's attitude is contagious, but I could use a good dose of child-likeness every day, as well as be thankful that that kid is not mine...
...because well, my kids are, cough, perfect little angels.
There are gorgeous mountains here in Washington and one time I actually started crying while looking at one.
I'm not sure what exactly set my trickling tears in motion. Was it the intensity of the mountain's magnitude? Was it my way of praising the creator of those unhindered peaks, swerving cliffs and the myriad of deep greens? Maybe it was my sorrow over the fact that I don't spend enough time contemplating God's revelation of himself through nature. Or perhaps I was just having a hormone-charged moment.
I really can't tell you why I wept over a mountain view. But I did, and maybe you've cried while looking at a mountain too.
When I looked outside tonight and saw that it was dark, I thought about all of the firefighters who have been working for the last two days to contain the fires in Southern California.
I am in my clean, comfy clothes, my perfect-temperature home and everything is peaceful. They haven't seen their families, haven't had any sleep and are under constant stress. I can't imagine how uncomfortable they must be, and I highly respect them for bravely doing their jobs.
I also feel sorry for people who have lost everything. That area is one of the most materialistic places in the world, and people are watching their homes, cars and possessions burst into flames. It must be extremely devastating for some people. Tonight they have no place to call home.
Brian and Chloe are learning how to read right now and we're all having fun learning the phonics sounds for letters. We started out using a book but it was due back at the library so now we're on our own. Sometimes we get silly when we're trying to come up with words with certain sounds that we draw out - like, piiiiiiiig or peeeeeee peeeeeeee.
I checked out another library book that has lots of ideas for teaching phonics. I thought they would be good ideas but instead it was filled with laborious craft ideas. The material list for the crafts would have cost me hundreds of dollars! And who would ever have that amount of time to go through all of that trouble? I suppose a kid who drives a giant poster board ambulance around the room, saying the short A sound will have a visual to help him remember the sound but.... come on.
That is exactly the kind of thing that misses the whole idea of learning fun. I know that parents and teachers are competing with a video-playing, sugar-addicted, microwavable generation, but we should still trust the fact that learning new things really is something to enjoy in and of itself. We don't need to do an extreme makeover just to make it entertaining.
