Who Are You?
"The self is more distant than any star." ~ Orthodoxy, by G.K. Chesterton
Identity. Nobody wants to be placed into a strict category and yet nobody wants to feel as though they are a nobody either. I think we all wonder who we are from time to time. We want to make sure we are becoming the person we want to be, or understand if and how we fit in to our specific society perhaps, among other reasons. Today I was wondering about my identity. When I look in the mirror, who exactly do I see?
I realized that I mostly define myself by what others have told me about myself: I am a little weird or dorky, pretty, insecure, sweet, opinionated, funny, health-conscious, awkward in conversations, beautiful, stylish, an idealist or dreamer, judgmental, fearful, a good cook, a good mom, a good writer, passionate, intelligent, outspoken, philosophical, careless, pretentious, honest, too honest, intimidating and I don't care what people think.
Hmmmmm... That was an interesting exercise. I've never written all of those things out in one paragraph before. I've never really even thought about them all at once and I didn't realize there were so many descriptions until I started remembering them. Another thing that comes to mind is how much I appreciate feedback from people about er, myself, although I left out a couple of destructive things that I've been called over the years. Anyway, it feels a little uneasy narrowing in so much on self-conscious yet attention-loving me so... back to the subject.
There are a few paradoxes in my self-defining paragraph but really no contradictions; for example, one could appear to be both intelligent and flighty depending on the situation or the subject of conversation, right? Depending on the company that is present, the conversation topic or the mood at the moment, one could also be self-conscious and attention-loving, talkative and introverted, fun and boring, etc. although often one adjective will stand out more than another as we become more ourselves.
Let's go back to the dreaded but possibly necessary categories. A person might agree with fundamental beliefs from different sides of an institution or system, such as opposing political parties, worldviews, or religions. This might serve a person to get kicked out of a particular organization, such as a certain church denomination, but it is possible, and more common than we might think, to have paradoxical beliefs in this area as well.
What about our likes and dislikes? While many people have a favorite movie genre, most people watch movies that would fall into more than one category. It would not surprise us to hear someone say, "I like the best of everything." Plus, opinions change. A person might despise hip hop music until a very talented rap artist performs a song that almost seems to wake up a part of that person's soul when they least expected it.
Paradoxes and the basic human condition make it near impossible to categorize people. Even the most devoted patriot or religious person might not agree with 100% of the values, beliefs, practices and even principles of the group to which they belong. The reason for this is because humans are easily influenced and we are fallible. We get confused in our understanding, even if the beliefs in which we trust are not fallible. There is too much that we just don't know.
I am not saying that there are no absolutes. The world needs absolutes in order to possess creative freedom and individual identities. I am writing this blog right now. That is an absolute. But I am also doing other things, texting a friend, eating an apple, turning the heat on in the house, thinking about organizing my bookshelves, what my kids are doing, what will be for dinner, etc. (It would be a scary thing to get inside of my "ADHD" brain.)
Those other activities are absolutes too but everything is filtered through understanding and communication. The other absolutes can change the understanding of the first absolute, as more information is communicated and understood. Absolutes should not be underestimated, but neither should understanding.
What does this have to do with our identity? Who am I? Who are you? There are things about you that are absolutely true. Can we put you into a category? An emphatic no! You are free to change your mind about things. We are free to change our opinions about those same things. This is called experience and growing, and to have the freedom to grow is the path of ensuring, or making known, a true identity.
What are the things that you like? What do you believe? Do you really like or believe those things? Are you sure? Have you gathered enough information? Are you confident enough to step out from the security of your category or family or group in order to have your likes/dislikes and beliefs tested?
We have examples of people throughout history who made their identity clear by their actions, great and small. Helen Keller was an author and an activist. Winston Churchill was a great leader during World War 2. Mother Teresa was a Catholic nun and humanitarian. (They had other identities too.) One does not have to be famous to have an identity but all great identities face tremendous opposition and stress, and they often find themselves alone with their beliefs and purposes.
It would be pointless to start doing something just for the sake of a desired identity, or mindlessly conform to the people around us. Those are the people who get mixed in with the crowd. They are special because they are human, but they never rise to their own full potential. Who are they anyway? I don't think they know.
Our identities, as well as our callings which is the expression of our identities, begin with our beliefs and our talents, and we all have them. We have an appointed lifetime to figure these things out, and our experiences can serve to draw them out of us.
People are intriguing for a myriad of different reasons. While other people, such as our heroes and mentors, can and should inspire us, the beautiful complexity about the human race is the fact that no two people are alike - like snowflakes.
I deleted the description of myself in my profile here on Vox because I did not want anyone to be tempted to categorize me. I would rather have readers get to know me through my writing and I hope to make friends of all kinds, across the board, through this avenue. It is also through this freedom of blogging that I hope to see my real identity developed and possibly my calling too, if I am not already fulfilling it. And I suppose it goes without saying that many things that people continue to understand and say about me will continue to contribute to my identity.
May I recommend Patricia Volonakis Davis' blog Declaring Myself which sparked some of my thoughts for this blog.
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